Everyone Else Has a Phone: What Parents Can Say

Start with what your child is worried about

It's tempting to challenge the statistics immediately. Does everyone actually have a phone? What about the three classmates whose parents you spoke with last week? Checking the picture can help, but beginning with a cross-examination may leave the underlying concern unexplored.

Ask what happens without a phone. Are weekend plans being made in a chat they can't access? Are friends comparing photos at lunch? Have they been teased? A child who needs a way to call after training has a different problem from one who feels excluded from their closest friendships.

A 2025 systematic review identified peer pressure and fear of exclusion among the influences on early smartphone ownership. It also highlighted how limited the research specifically examining ownership decisions remains. Parents' concerns about safety and children's perceived maturity were other influences.^[1]

You might say, “It sounds like you're feeling left out. Tell me what you're missing, and we'll work out what we can do.” Listening gives you information for the decision. It doesn't commit you to buying a smartphone.

What age should a child get a phone in Australia?

Phone ownership, smartphone access and social media accounts involve separate decisions. Starting secondary school may change transport and communication needs, but a school transition doesn't establish readiness for every feature on a smartphone. Equally, a younger child may need reliable contact between households or during travel.

Research gives reasons for caution without supplying a universal birthday. A US observational study of 10,588 young people, published in Pediatrics, found that smartphone ownership at age 12 was associated with depression, obesity and insufficient sleep. Earlier acquisition was also associated with obesity and insufficient sleep.^[2] These findings don't establish that phones caused those outcomes or predict what will happen to an individual child.

The American Academy of Pediatrics' evidence summary describes mixed findings across studies of first-phone timing.^[3] Different samples and ways of measuring ownership and use make a simple age rule difficult to justify. A family may reasonably choose to delay a smartphone, while another provides a limited device to meet a particular need.

At Family Decisions, our starting point is values first, then the limits. Consider what you want technology to support, what you want to protect and how much ongoing guidance you can provide. An adult's capacity to supervise the arrangement belongs in the decision too.

Choose the features your child actually needs

The word “phone” can hide several different requests. Being able to call home doesn't require the same access as carrying a browser, app store, camera and multiple messaging services throughout the day. Decide which functions are useful before choosing the device.

• A shared family device can support agreed calls or messages at home without personal ownership.
• A basic call-and-text phone may meet transport and contact needs. Check the specifications because some basic-looking phones also include internet features.
• A communication watch may offer selected contacts and location features. Check coverage, privacy, ongoing costs and school rules.
• A smartphone with restricted features offers flexibility, but needs careful setup and regular checks. Removing the SIM doesn't remove internet access over wi-fi.

These are options to investigate rather than a required progression. No connected device eliminates online risk, and controls can have limitations. Check that the particular model and mobile service support the functions you need, including emergency calling, and have a backup plan for a flat battery or unavailable reception.

For a child whose main concern is a particular friendship group, ask whether the proposed device would actually help. A basic phone won't solve exclusion from an app-based chat. You may still choose it for calls, while making a separate plan for friendships.

Look for readiness with support

Readiness involves what your child can manage and what help is available. eSafety encourages parents to consider maturity and prepare for the responsibilities of a first smartphone.^[4] Useful discussions include whether your child can recognise uncomfortable contact, protect personal information and approach a trusted adult when something goes wrong.

Try ordinary scenarios together: “What would you do if someone asked you to send a private photo?” or “What if a friend became angry because you didn't reply straight away?” Their answers can reveal what needs teaching. Confidence using apps doesn't necessarily mean a child understands pressure, privacy or consent.

Also consider everyday habits. Can your child practise putting a shared device away, respect other people's photos and accept help with limits? Raising Children Network recommends discussing responsibilities and agreeing on phone rules.^[5] You're looking for skills you can build on, with an arrangement that makes difficulties manageable.

Children with ADHD, autism, disability or other support needs may benefit from accessible communication and predictable contact. Adapt the setup to the child, including visual reminders or supported practice where useful. Difficulty with organisation doesn't automatically rule out a device needed for communication or accessibility.

What parents can say when the pressure builds

Choose a calm time for the fuller conversation. Explain the decision briefly, acknowledge its impact and offer a specific next step. The examples below are practical suggestions; they're not scripts proven to produce agreement.

When a younger child wants what friends have

“You'd really like your own phone. For now, you can use our family device to call your friend with me nearby. We're waiting before buying you one.” Keep the explanation concrete and offer a genuine way to connect, rather than a long account of risks they can't yet understand.

When a tween says they're being left out

“I believe you that missing those conversations feels awful. We're waiting on a smartphone. Let's find out how you can hear about plans and keep in touch with your closest friends.” Follow through on the practical help. Acknowledging exclusion carries more weight when your child sees you responding to it.

When a teenager says you don't trust them

“I trust you in lots of ways. A smartphone also brings situations you're still learning to handle, and I have responsibilities here too. Let's discuss which features you need and what we'd each do to make the arrangement work.” Invite their proposal and explain which parts remain your responsibility.

When your answer is yes to a limited device

“You need a reliable way to contact us after training. We're starting with calls and texts. We'll practise using it, agree where it stays overnight and review how it's working in a month.” Make clear that reviewing the arrangement doesn't promise an upgrade or access to every app.

If you delay the phone, make a connection plan

Waiting can create practical inconveniences. If friends organise everything through devices, your child may need help finding another route into those plans. Avoid leaving them with the task of solving the social consequences alone.

With your child's involvement, you could exchange contact details with a friend's parent, organise a regular catch-up or arrange agreed calls through a shared device. Ask schools and activity organisers to ensure essential information reaches families through an accessible channel. Protect your child's dignity when offering help, particularly as they get older.

Talking with other parents can clarify what's actually happening and identify shared options. Keep the conversation respectful of different family circumstances. Some children need devices for reasons other families won't know, and friendship shouldn't depend on everyone adopting the same rule.

Set a genuine review point if you're open to reconsidering. Explain what could change the decision: independent travel, a new communication need or skills practised with support. If you have a firm family age boundary, state it honestly rather than setting tests that suggest an earlier phone is available.

A phone doesn't automatically mean social media

As checked on 26 October 2026, Australian age-restricted social media platforms must take reasonable steps to prevent under-16s from creating or keeping accounts. This obligation took effect on 10 December 2025 and falls on platforms; children and parents aren't penalised under this scheme. It isn't a general prohibition on children's phone ownership.^[6]

Assess each proposed service separately, including its age requirements and safety features. Services outside the restrictions can still carry risks. Use eSafety's current guidance to check the position rather than assuming a friend's access means a service is appropriate or permitted for your child.

When your child needs more help

Repeated exclusion, bullying or persistent loneliness needs attention alongside the device decision. If your child becomes withdrawn, loses sleep, avoids school or stops enjoying usual activities, talk with them and consider support from their school, GP or psychologist. A phone purchase alone may leave the underlying difficulty unresolved.

If harmful contact or bullying is happening online, help your child seek support and use the relevant reporting pathways. Explain that telling you about a problem won't automatically mean losing their device. You may need to change access for safety, but disclosure should bring help and a clear explanation of what happens next.